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71 year old self to my teenage self

Breathe! Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Remember you are enough. Comparison with others can be a good check in but not a way to live your life. 

I’ve always felt that I have been living my life backwards. Having married and had a child as a teenager, I jumped into adulthood without the experiences that most teenagers had. 

As a 52 year old divorcee, I plunged back into life determined to revisit those teenage years but with some adult wisdom. So I attended rock concerts (had only been to one as a 17 year old), dated multiple types of men, took vacations I wanted to take, lived alone (most of the time), drank when I wanted to, explored depression and resurrection, tried to be fully present and aware of those I loved. Sometimes regression can be a good way to learn.

The question now is: “Will I keep regressing as I age?” Am I doomed to the infancy that dementia and old age might offer? The seven stages of man haunt me. So what advice should my 16 year old self give to my 71 year old self?

(Response to Word Press’ Bloganuary Prompt)

My father’s wallet

Dear Daddy,

I found your wallet today, the one you were always misplacing whether you were at home on Brentwood Drive, Milan, or at Morning Pointe, your last residence, there in Chattanooga with my sister Valerie not too far away. Guess I’d misplaced it this time, forgetting that I had tucked it away in my L.L. Bean Boat Bag, the repository of all my treasured “Must Keeps.”

My father’s wall

Holding your wallet feels like holding your hands, wrinkled and worn but amazingly soft and tender, despite the decades of hard work. Those hands skillfully filed saws for our livelihood, built beautiful cherry wood tables for our delight, sewed sequins on Val’s majorette uniforms, pushed lawn mowers, pushed us high in our swings, pushed us off on our first bike rides, pushed us off into the arms of our husbands-to-be, pulled us close when we needed a h

“Hold our hands, Daddy.” That’s what we whispered two years ago as you lay in your hospice bed. Hold on tight! But you couldn’t. Your fingers, interlaced with ours, slowly loosened their grip. Your fingernails scraped across the crisp white sheets before you jerked your hands high into the air, seemingly surprised that it was time to go.

But I found you again. Your driver’s license photo looked up at me from your brown trifold. Tucked inside were six $1.00 bills, ready for you to spend on strawberry pie and coffee at Perkins. For an instant, you were with me. The touch of the wallet quickened my soul with your essence, making my heart smile.

You knew I was sad, didn’t you Daddy? Once again your hands were there to comfort me and pull me close when I needed love.

Thank you,

Phyl